I am a female. I have loved hockey since I was a kid. I think female fans are great for the sport of hockey. That being said, there two types of female fans that I cannot stand. Puck Bunnies and “Pink Hat Fans.” If you don’t know what those are, let me put it in simple terms. A puck bunny is a so-called fan who just wants to bang hockey players because they are rich/hot/famous/insert adjective here. (Some of them know hockey, but most are just there to look at the guys.) A pink hat fan usually wants to do that same thing but they are known more for “jumping on the bandwagon” after a championship. (Not all pink hat fans are puck sluts, but I find that a lot are. Men can also be pink hat fans.) Just to clarify before everyone gets pissy, I do not have a problem with pink hat fans that are eager to learn the game and become long time fans. But before you run your mouth with all the knowledge that you don’t know, learn about the sport. (You’ll understand what I’m talking about shortly.)
I am writing this for a couple reasons. I want to show some of the female fans that they are not alone with their opinions of these “fans.” Simply put, they are the ones who give female sports fans a bad reputation and cause stereotypes. To the guys that read this, I hope you might think twice now before judging a female fan and belittling her. (I know not all of you do this, but I come across more men every day who think that a woman does not know as much about hockey as them.) The main reason I am writing this though, is that I came across this audio:
If you don’t want to listen to that, let me give you the basics. (I highly recommend their version even though it is ten minutes because it is hilarious and some of the stuff this girl says, you would not believe. Plus they have pretty epic sound effects.) After the Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup, they held their parade/rally in downtown Boston. Toucher and Rich are co-hosts of The Sports Hub Radio Show in Boston. (In my eyes, they are pretty awesome.) Anyways, they send their street reporter (a.k.a. bitch boy) Adolfo to the parade and he goes out and finds a female “fan” to interview. They basically make a fool of this girl, who by the way gave consent for it to be on the air, because she has no hockey knowledge whatsoever but claims that she has been a fan “for a long time.” Apparently her favorite player is Brad Marchand and so Adolfo wanted to ask her some questions about him. So since she’s been a fan for so long, she should have no problem answering a few basic questions, right? NOPE. They ask her what position he plays, to name ANY former Bruins player, name ANY position besides goalie, what icing is, etc. She doesn’t get any right. The best part was that she was asked to name the Bruins head coach. She said that she wasn’t sure but she knew that he was really good looking…
Now, I’m not trying to judge her taste in men (she sounds like she’s 18 by the way), but the only way she could of been more wrong was if we were talking about Bruce Bordeau. (I’m not knocking on these coaches. I love them but really?) She then guessed that his name was Ralph. The only point that I give this girl is that she did properly pronounce Marshmont’s name.
So before I go any further, let me say this. I find many hockey players very attractive. I don’t have a problem with female fans who find an athlete attractive and express that opinion. Men do it all the time with female athletes and we all do it to celebrities, so I really don’t care. But, I actually love the game. I have more hockey facts floating around in my brain then anything else. When you give the typical Puck Bunny or Pink-Hat fan image off, it affects all of the women and the perception of us. If this was anything else, it wouldn’t bother me what a man thought of me. But, it turns into a lot of them thinking that “She’s just here to bang the guys. She can’t have any hockey knowledge.” And that just pisses me off when I can school 95% of the guys around me as far as hockey knowledge goes. I don’t feel that it should get to the point where I actually have to sit down for 2 hours and try to prove to a guy that I actually know what the hell I’m talking about before he will even consider my opinions on the game. But, because of these bunnies and pink hat fans, we do have to do that frequently.
Also, there have been many instances where these bunnies have affected the performance of athletes and their reputations. The most recent being Patrick Kane. Now, I know Kaner’s reputation isn’t all that fabulous to begin with, but he should be allowed to have a private life. Instead what he got was a dumb puck slut who goes home with him, takes a couple pictures of him passed out, as well as plane ticket stubs, to prove it’s him that she banged. Then she proceeds to put them on twitter and cause what I like to call KanerGate2011. If I ever met that girl, I would seriously punch her in her face. Ohhh and I saw her picture. She’s not attractive.
Normally, I wouldn’t post a personal picture of her, but she was pretty quick to delete her twitter when she saw how it unfolded so, her ugly face is staying up here. Think before you do stupid stuff. (Ohh and I don’t give Kaner any crap for going home with a ten and waking up with a 2. We’ve all done it. It happens and I’m sure he was hammered.)
My last point is probably the one that pisses me off the most. So many of these bunnies forget that a lot of these athletes have families who they actually care about. While I realize that a man is going to cheat if he wants to, I still put more blame on these women. It’s probably because they disgust me more than the men because they actually go out “hunting” for them. Also, they like to “brag” about their experiences with these athletes on public sites. To me it sounds like a lot of them have some “my daddy didn’t love me enough” issues that they need to work out, instead of trying to break up a family.
You may be asking yourself, “am I a puck bunny or pink hat fan?” The answer is more than likely yes if you are seriously contemplating that question. But, here are some ways to decipher if you are on the edge about this. If you answer yes, to any of these questions, get the hell away from my sport.
- You were the girl in the Toucher and Rich interview.
- You own a shirt that is suggestive that you are in fact a puck bunny.
- You have slept with more than one professional hockey player and you are not married or in a serious relationship with them. (Elisha Cuthbert, you are safe.)
- You absolutely could not go a game without commentating on how attractive a player is and “what you would do to them.”
- You submitted that post about Gregory Campbell to a certain tumblr that will go unmentioned.
- You bring a sign to a game that says “Marry Me Ovi” or anything along those lines.
- You don’t know what people mean when they talk about “Pierre’s orgasms.”
(I love the Bruins, but these fans make us look bad. To me though, it’s not a surprise to see who’s sherseys they are wearing. This doesn’t mean that if Looch or Seguin is one of your favorite players, that you are a puck bunny, but I highly doubt a woman wearing a Recchi or Chara shersey would have this wrote on their back and then lifted it up for everyone to see.)
(Do I really need to explain this?)
(I highly doubt they were showing that sign to Pierre.)
And just once more for kicks…
And you expect people to take female fans seriously ladies. Of course not. Instead they mock us because of people like you…
Now, I would just like to throw a couple random hockey facts/pointers out there for the women have read this and thought “Hey, that sounds an awfully lot like me and I don’t want to be that fan anymore.” (Yeah right.) These are just some of the facts that are floating around in my head that will usually prove to a man that you are not one of the fore-mentioned fans, if you feel inclined to do so.
FACTS AND RANDOM THINGS TO THROW INTO A CONVERSATION:
1. The first European captain to win a cup was not Nicklas Lidstrom. He was the first captain to raise it, but Charlie Gardiner was actually the first one to win it. Versus and NBC get this wrong constantly so it should shut someone up pretty fast. He was also the only NHL captain to win the the cup as a goalie.
2. Wayne Gretzky has won the NHL scoring title ten times.
3.Dave “Tiger” Williams holds the record for the most penalty minutes in a career. He has almost 4,000.
4. A Gordie Howe hat trick is a goal, an assist and a fight. That’s a must know.
5. Willie O’Ree was the first African American to play in the NHL. His first game in the NHL was as a Boston Bruin.
6.The first team to win the Stanley Cup was the Montreal AAA’s.
7. Scotty Bowman has won more games than any other coach in NHL history.
8. Ten players did not have to wait the three year minimum to be inducted into the hall of fame.
9.Brian Leetch, Nicklas Lidstrom, Henrik Zetterberg, Evgeni Malkin and Tim Thomas are the only non Canadian players to ever win the Conn Smythe trophy.
10. The largest arena in the NHL is the Bell Centre in Montreal.
1. Always know how to properly spell and pronounce hockey players names, especially on the teams that you support. (More than half the NHL announcers/analysts from around the league should be reading this as well and taking note.) Examples:
- Lucic. It’s not Loochick. It’s Loo-cheech. If you can’t remember that, just call him Looch.
- Lidstrom. There is no “n” in his name. He has been in the league for 19 years and coming back for a 20th, yet people still say/write Lindstrom. (You don’t have to write it out with the dots above the o.)
- Chara. Damnit Pierre… It’s not Chair-a. It’s Char-a. (When all else fails ladies, go against anything Pierre McGuire says.)
- Russians. Ovechkin, Fedorov, Konstantinov, Datsyuk, Semin, Kovalchuk, Fetisov, Nabokov to name a few. No one expects you to be able to pronounce them the Russian way, but as least know how to say them in the American/Canadian way.
- It’s Shawn Thornton. Not Shawn Thorton or Thronton. (Same goes for Joe.)
- Buffalo Sabres, not Sabers
- There is a difference between Ryan Kesler and Phil Kessel. Trust me. They are not related and they don’t even play on the same team.
- It’s the Staal brothers. (Eric, Marc, Jordan and Jared.) Not to be confused with Gunner Stahl.
- Darius Kasparaitis
- Gretzky. Not Gretsky. (Very big no no.)
- Johan Franzen and Cody Franson. Big difference.
- Now, I’m not saying that you have to know that the way to tell the difference between the Sedin twins is that little mole on Daniel’s left butt cheek, but at least know these basics and the members of your team(s).
2. Know every team in the NHL by logo and name. Also, it helps to know at least three players from every team. It’s actually pretty easy if you watch a game every once in a while. (You don’t necessarily need to know the divisions, but at least know which teams are in which conference. The players listed are the ones that you will probably benefit from knowing the most.)
Western Conference (Formerly known as the Clarence Campbell Conference):
- Detroit Red Wings- Nicklas Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg
- Chicago Blackhawks- Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp
- Columbus Blue Jackets- Rick Nash, Antoine Vermette, Grant Clitsome
- St. Louis Blues- Jaroslav Halak, Barret Jackman, Alexander Steen
- Nashville Predators- Shea Weber, Pekka Rinne, Jordin Tootoo
- (One of these teams will more than likely be moving to the Eastern Conference in the 2012 season.)
- Dallas Stars- Brenden Morrow, Stephane Robidas, Jamie Langenbrunner
- Anaheim Ducks (They are not the Mighty Ducks anymore.)- Jonas Hiller, Teemu Selanne, Corey Perry
- San Jose Sharks- Joe Thornton, Logan Couture, Dany Heatley (Know that name in general.)
- Phoenix Coyotes- Shane Doan, Keith Yandle, Ed Jovanovski
- Los Angeles Kings- Jonathan Quick, Anze Kopitar, Dustin Penner
- Vancouver Canucks- Sedin Twins (Daniel and Henrik), Ryan Kesler, Roberto Luongo
- Calgary Flames- Jarome Iginla, Miikka Kiprusoff, Jay Bouwmeester
- Colorado Avalanche- Matt Duchene, Milan Hejduk, Kyle Quincey
- Minnesota Wild- Mikko Koivu, John Madden, Martin Havlat
- Edmonton Oilers- Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Nikolai Khabibulin
- Tampa Bay Lightning- Steven Stamkos, Marty St. Louis, Vincent Lecavalier
- Washington Capitals- Alexander Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Mike Green
- Florida Panthers- Tomas Vokoun, Sergei Samsonov, Marty Reasoner
- Carolina Hurricanes- Eric Staal, Jeff Skinner, Cam Ward
- Atlanta Thrashers (This will change by the 2012 season due to relocation to Winnipeg.)- Dustin Byfuglien (Call him Buff), Radek Dvorak, Andrew Ladd
- Boston Bruins- Tim Thomas, Zdeno Chara, Patrice Bergeron
- Buffalo Sabres- Ryan Miller, Cody McCormick, Rob Niedermayer
- Montreal Canadiens- Carey Price, Brian Gionta, Hal Gill
- Toronto Maple Leafs- Dion Phaneuf, Phil Kessel, Joffrey Lupul
- Ottawa Senators- Jason Spezza, Daniel Alfredsson, Sergei Gonchar
- New York Islanders- Michael Grabner, Bruno Gervais, Trevor Gillies
- New York Rangers- Henrik Lundqvist, Marc Staal, Marian Gaborik
- Philadelphia Flyers- Danny Briere, Chris Pronger, Claude Giroux
- Pittsburgh Penguins- Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Matt Cooke
- New Jersey Devils- Zach Parise, Ilya Kovalchuk, Martin Brodeur
3. Know the original six teams and at least three former players.
- Detroit Red Wings: Gordie Howe, Ted Lindsay, Terry Sawchuk
- Boston Bruins: Bobby Orr, Eddie Shore, Terry O’Reilly
- Toronto Maple Leafs: Turk Broda, Johnny Bower, Wendel Clark
- New York Rangers: Brian Leetch, Rod Gilbert, Mike Richter
- Chicago Blackhawks: Bobby Hull, Stan Mikita, Tony Esposito
- Montreal Canadiens a.k.a the Habs: Jean Beliveau, Maurice “Rocket” Richard, Howie Morenz
4. Have an opinion on these subjects:
- Sidney Crosby
- Sidney Crosby vs. Alex Ovechkin
- Matt Cooke
- Bobby Orr vs. Nicklas Lidstrom
5. Never say anything bad about a player who has passed on, especially if it was recent or at a young age. Some notable players include Bob Probert, Derek Boogaard, Luc Bourdon, Dan Synder, etc. This is common knowledge but you’d really be surprised by the ignorant people in the world.
6. Know what franchises have been relocated. I don’t mean from back in the early 1900’s, but the ones as of more recent.
- Winnipeg Jets to Phoenix Coyotes
- Atlanta Flames to Calgary Flames
- Minnesota North Stars to Dallas Stars
- Colorado Rockies to New Jersey Devils
- Quebec Nordiques to Colorado Avalanche
- Hartford Whalers to Carolina Hurricanes
- Atlanta Thrashers to Winnipeg (No-Namers as of right now)
8. Know Warren Zevon’s Hockey Song. The person yelling “hit somebody” is David Letterman. Knowing Good Ol’ Hockey Game is a bonus as well. (There are a couple different versions but this is the basic one.)
9. Keep up with Don Cherry’s attire. Always a talking point that most people can agree on. If you don’t know what I am referring to, I made a little Grapes collection.
10. When all else fails, talk about why you hate Gary Bettman. But, have reasons why. If you just say, “I hate Gary Bettman” and then when asked why you answer “I don’t know”, you’re going to sound like an idiot. Here’s a couple pointers.
- His apparent hate for Canadian hockey clubs, as well as the original six.
- He never gives a straight answer to a question.
- He doesn’t know anything about hockey.
- He is a lawyer and the only sports background was being a vice president of the NBA. Hockey and basketball are two very different sports and obviously he believes that since basketball isn’t very Canadian, hockey shouldn’t be either.
- He continues to favor Sidney Crosby and the Penguins organization. (Sorry to piss of the Penguins fans on this, but it’s true.) I know that marketing “our stars” is very important but for every three Crosby commercials/promos, I see one Ovechkin. Even after Crosby’s concussion, he was still featured more than anyone. Bettman doesn’t understand that some fans wanting to learn the game may actually want to see players featured who go out there and lay their bodies on the line. (Matt Hendricks, Gregory Campbell, Jared Boll, etc. a.k.a. Blue Collar Players)
- The new tv deal with NBC. You may or may not agree with this, but know your position on it.
- The NHL lockouts. During his time, there have been two. One in 1994-95 and another in 2004-05. Both are very controversial and if you research the 2004-05 one, you will see why many people believe that Bettman favors the Penguins even more.
- He apparently hates the fans of certain cities. While Detroit is no longer allowed to throw octopi onto the ice, which is a tradition that dates back to the 1950’s, Lightning fans are allowed to throw paddles on the ice and hit players in the head. I have a huge respect for the Lightning organization, but an octopi has never hit a player in 60 years. If you are going to fine/jail people that throw stuff on the ice, fine. But do it around the league.
- Do your own research. You will find things you don’t like about him. Trust me on that.
If you want to bitch or compliment me, I welcome it. You can email me at email@example.com, tweet me @tigerbloodtuzzi, or do the tumblr thing at tigerbloodtuzzi.tumblr.com.